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I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
The backbone of surprise is fusing speed with secrecy.
If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
It is the job of thinking people not to be on the side of the executioners.
The secret to creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
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If you put tomfoolery into a computer, nothing comes out of it but tomfoolery. But this tomfoolery, having passed through a very expensive machine, is somehow enobled and no-one dares criticize it.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
Everybody\'s worried about stopping terrorism. Well, there\'s a really easy way: stop participating in it.
If you gaze long into an abyss, the abyss will gaze back into you.
Raymond\'s Law of Software: Given a sufficiently large number of eyeballs, all bugs are shallow.
True. When your hammer is C++, everything begins to look like a thumb.
I choose a block of marble and chop off whatever I don\'t need.
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A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
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I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure -- that is all that agnosticism means.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
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A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Research is what I\'m doing when I don\'t know what I\'m doing.
We all agree that your theory is crazy, but is it crazy enough?
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
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I begin by taking. I shall find scholars later to demonstrate my perfect right.
One word sums up probably the responsibility of any Governor, and that one word is \'to be prepared\'.
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Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
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Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
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Humor is by far the most significant activity of the human brain.
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War is not the continuation of politics with different means, it is the greatest mass-crime perpetrated on the community of man.
Nothing is wrong with California that a rise in the ocean level wouldn\'t cure.
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It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
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Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Common sense is the collection of prejudices acquired by age eighteen.
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A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five.
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
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Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
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A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
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A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
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I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
Only one man ever understood me, and he didn\'t understand me.
Diplomacy is the art of saying \'Nice doggie!\'... \'til you can find a rock.
There is more stupidity than hydrogen in the universe, and it has a longer shelf life.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Pascal /n./ A programming language named after a man who would turn over in his grave if he knew about it.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Friends may come and go, but enemies accumulate.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
You can pretend to be serious; you can\'t pretend to be witty.
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Invading Iraq after 9/11 was like invading Mexico after Pearl Harbor.
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In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
Programming is one of the most difficult branches of applied mathematics; the poorer mathematicians had better remain pure mathematicians.
A fast word about oral contraception. I asked a girl to go to bed with me, she said \'no\'.
Don\'t stay in bed, unless you can make money in bed.
In all large corporations, there is a pervasive fear that someone, somewhere is having fun with a computer on company time. Networks help alleviate that fear.
A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices.
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Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn\'t it.
Moral indignation is jealousy with a halo.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
A mind all logic is like a knife all blade. It makes the hand bleed that uses it.
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Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
When his life was ruined, his family killed, his farm destroyed, Job knelt down on the ground and yelled up to the heavens, \'Why god? Why me?\' and the thundering voice of God answered, \'There\'s just something about you that pisses me off.\'
There is no sincerer love than the love of food.
Do illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
I\'m Jewish. I don\'t work out. If God had wanted us to bend over, He would have put diamonds on the floor.
Everything secret degenerates, even the administration of justice.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
The longer I live the more I see that I am never wrong about anything, and that all the pains that I have so humbly taken to verify my notions have only wasted my time.
Finagle\'s Law of Dynamic Negatives: Anything that can go wrong, will -- at the worst possible moment.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
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Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
If there is no God, who pops up the next Kleenex?
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First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
All sorts of computer errors are now turning up. You\'d be surprised to know the number of doctors who claim they are treating pregnant men.
The only one listening to both sides of an argument is the neighbor in the next apartment
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
Where humor is concerned there are no standards - no one can say what is good or bad, although you can be sure that everyone will.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
In Germany they first came for the Communists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn\'t speak up because I wasn\'t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn\'t speak up because I was a Protestant. Then they came for me - and by that time no one was left to speak up.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
I have made this letter longer than usual because I lack the time to make it shorter.
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
And God said, \'Let there be light\' and there was light, but the Electricity Board said He would have to wait until Thursday to be connected.
If you believe in telekinesis, raise my hand.
If people are good only because they fear punishment, and hope for reward, then we are a sorry lot indeed.
The most overlooked advantage of owning a computer is that if they foul up there\'s no law against whacking them around a bit.
Marry me and I\'ll never look at another horse!
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
If Stupidity got us into this mess, then why can\'t it get us out?
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
It is only those who have neither fired a shot nor heard the shrieks and groans of the wounded who cry aloud for blood... War is hell.
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
Sometimes, the best answer is a more interesting question
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Defining and analyzing humor is a pastime of humorless people.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
As the post said, \'Only God can make a tree,\' probably because it\'s so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.
Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one.
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To jaw-jaw is always better than to war-war.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
Incrementing C by 1 is not enough to make a good object-oriented language.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
Love is the answer - but while you\'re waiting for the answer sex raises some pretty good questions.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
Every journalist has a novel in him, which is an excellent place for it.
Everything that can be invented has been invented.
To understand a man you should walk a mile in his shoes. If what he says still bothers you that\'s ok because you\'ll be a mile away from him and you\'ll have his shoes.
The fear of death is the most unjustified of all fears, for there\'s no risk of accident for someone who\'s dead.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
The difference between fiction and reality? Fiction has to make sense.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
If the United Nations once admits that international disputes can be settled by using force, then we will have destroyed the foundation of the organization and our best hope of establishing a world order.
The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That\'s where we come in; we\'re computer professionals. We cause accidents.
A friendship founded on business is better than a business founded on friendship.
Death is a low chemical trick played on everybody except sequoia trees.
Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
I don\'t know why we are here, but I\'m pretty sure that it is not in order to enjoy ourselves.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
I agree with the reforms, but I want nothing to change
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Ever notice when you blow in a dog\'s face he gets mad at you, but when you take him in a car he sticks his head out the window?
Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritations and resentments slip away and a sunny spirit takes their place.
A sense of humor is part of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things done.
Manuscript: something submitted in haste and returned at leisure.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Whatever is begun in anger ends in shame.
Java, the best argument for Smalltalk since C++.
Be tolerant of the human race. Your whole family belongs to it -- and some of your spouse\'s family too.
If everything seems under control, you\'re just not going fast enough.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
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Physics is not a religion. If it were, we\'d have a much easier time raising money.
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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There are some experiences in life which should not be demanded twice from any man, and one of them is listening to the Brahms Requiem.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
For centuries, theologians have been explaining the unknowable in terms of the-not-worth-knowing.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
In this war ? as in others ? I am less interested in honoring the dead than in preventing the dead.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
All I need to make a comedy is a park, a policeman and a pretty girl.
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Humor is a rubber sword - it allows you to make a point without drawing blood.
C++: an octopus made by nailing extra legs onto a dog
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
I\'m always amazed to hear of air crash victims so badly mutilated that they have to be identified by their dental records. What I can\'t understand is, if they don\'t know who you are, how do they know who your dentist is?
We had gay burglars the other night. They broke in and rearranged the furniture.
So I rang up a local building firm, I said \'I want a skip outside my house.\' He said \'I\'m not stopping you.\'
Never test for an error condition you don\'t know how to handle.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
When you hear hoofbeats, think of horses, not zebras.
Make everything as simple as possible, but not simpler.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
They have computers, and they may have other weapons of mass destruction.
The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.
First you forget names, then you forget faces. Next you forget to pull your zipper up and finally, you forget to pull it down.
It is time I stepped aside for a less experienced and less able man.
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
It is practically imposible to teach good programming to students that have had a prior exposure to BASIC: as potential programmers they are mentally mutilated beyond hope of regeneration.
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me.
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
You ask me if I keep a notebook to record my great ideas. I\'ve only ever had one.
So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me
A radioactive cat has eighteen half-lives.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
The instinct of nearly all societies is to lock up anybody who is truly free. First, society begins by trying to beat you up. If this fails, they try to poison you. If this fails too, the finish by loading honors on your head.
I have six locks on my door, all in a row. When I go out, I lock every other one. I figure no matter how long somebody stands there picking the locks, they are always locking three of them.
Men and nations behave wisely once they have exhausted all the other alternatives.
Computers make it easier to do a lot of things, but most of the things they make it easier to do don\'t need to be done.
The worst crimes were dared by a few, willed by more and tolerated by all.
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Death does not concern us, because as long as we exist, death is not here. And when it does come, we no longer exist.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:26
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